By Alice Pitchford
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I was never a Jehovah's Witness, but the effect this organization had on my life was just as devastating as if I had been one. I was on the outside looking in for several years, and I had no idea what was happening to the people I dearly loved. After graduating from high school, I went to work and met a girl there who would become one of my best friends. She and her family had just moved to Atlanta and we spent a lot of time together. I would go home with her and sometimes even spend the weekend there. She had a large family-10 brothers and sisters- and they seemed to be a happy family who really cared about and enjoyed each other. I was impressed with the display of love I saw there. |
When they had moved to Atlanta, her mother started studying with Jehovah's Witnesses. I knew they had a "Bible study" in their home every week, but I knew nothing about this religion. I thought they were good Christian people of just a little different persuasion than the Baptists-the denomination I was in. My friend had three brothers in the military service and she asked me to write to one of them. Since this was during WW II, I wrote to her brother Ralph for two years before he was finally able to come home. We met, and after only two weeks he asked me to marry him. He gave me an engagement ring before he left. We were eventually married by the chaplain on his ship on January 31, 1946, in San Diego, California.
I became very close to my mother-in-law and I loved her dearly. She was like a second mother to me, and she would tell my mother that I was like a daughter to her. I was an only child; my mother and father were divorced when I was eight years old and I felt fortunate to have a big family. I claimed Ralph's brothers and sisters as my own.
In 1955, we had two little girls who were at the time four and eight years old. Although we had bought our first home and had become close friends with our neighbors. We had struggled through the post war years with problems related to jobs and housing, but we were now settled and happy. However, I soon found myself in a crisis that would change the ultimate direction of my life.
Ralph had come to realize the awesome responsibility of being a husband and father, and he realized the spiritual void in his life. Unknown to me, he talked to his mother about this at her home. She called in an JW elder who had been in the organization a long time, and Ralph left there convinced he had found the truth-the only "true" religion. He started going to the Kingdom Hall and the Witnesses started coming to our home.
I was shocked and confused over all that was taking place, and over their relentless efforts to convert me. I began to read some of their publications and I knew in my that something was wrong with their message. I recalled Scripture I had learned as a child. I remembered that John 3:16 said "For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." This verse said "whosoever" and was not limited to just Witnesses. I also recalled John 14:6, which states, "Jesus said unto him I am the way, the truth and the life, no man cometh unto the Father but by me." So Jesus is the way. Since they did not worship Jesus, and since they denied his Deity, it was clear to me that they did not have the truth and that they were not the "true religion." The children and I started going to a Baptist church, and I rededicated my life to Christ and joined the church. Later, both of our children accepted Christ as Savior and were baptized.
After Ralph became actively involved in the Watchtower organization, every aspect of our lives changed. We were forced to drop our friends because they were "worldly" and were dominated by Satan the Devil. He wanted me isolated from everything and everyone. The only people we saw were my mother (who endured hours of his witnessing) and his family (who could talk about nothing but "The New World Society," their Witness friends, meetings, conventions, etc. I couldn't understand how they could be so obsessed with their religion, while at the same time have such an intolerance, lack of love, or even respect for anyone outside their "organization." It didn't make sense. If they were so convinced they had the truth, then why were they so critical and defensive of others?
I began to dread holidays and birthdays. I continued to celebrate these with our children in spite of Ralph's objections and refusal to be a part of it. I began a Christian Bible study once a week, in addition to going to church twice a week. This caused more dissension and rejection from Ralph. He was spending more and more time away from home and communication broke down between the two of us. During this time, I talked to three different pastors and none of them could help. Back then there weren't any ministries to help me through this seemingly hopeless situation. I felt alone and helpless. I asked God daily for His wisdom and strength. I put Proverbs 3:5-6 in my heart and memory.
In God's providence, we were transferred to Norfolk, Virginia, for three years to complete Ralph's 22 years in the Navy to retire. When we came back to Atlanta, he didn't get involved with the Witnesses or go to the Kingdom Hall because he knew our marriage would end. Of course, this caused all kinds of problems with his family. They blamed me, turned on me, and I could see pure hostility toward me. I was devastated and couldn't understand it. How in the world could their love for me turn to hate?
Ralph had no religious involvement for seven years. He had come to realize he had been deceived and wondered if anybody really had God's truth. He didn't want to be hurt again. Fortunately, God's timetable does not always match ours. But we know it's perfect and God is faithful. We had just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary and had not been in church together since the day we were married. Now, we were sitting in church together. On February 12th, 1970, Ralph accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior. He was baptized and joined the church. The miracle of the new birth would change his life-and ours-forever. We became totally involved in the life of the church and Ralph was overwhelmed by the love he found in the fellowship of other believers. It was so different from what he had been told, and so different from the Kingdom Hall.
He was so happy, and he wanted to tell his mother. He had hoped his testimony would be a witness to her, but he was wrong. She told him she was ashamed of him, that he knew the truth, and that he would be severely punished for leaving it. She said she didn't want to see him or talk to him again. Ralph told her he had not left God, but that he had found Him in Jesus Christ. We did not understand how a mother could disown her own son-her own flesh and blood-because he didn't agree with her. He wasn't even given a chance to explain why he had left the organization.
In 1971, Ralph and I realized I needed help, and I went to a Christian Counseling Center. I was convinced I had a mental disorder, but after talking to the psychiatrist for an hour, he assured me there was nothing wrong with my mind. He said I had deep emotional scars from all the years of emotional abuse and that God, the great physician, could heal me. He referred me to a psychologist who he said was very good. I had come to believe that somehow I was to blame for so much conflict in the family. My past, present and future was one big question mark. I felt like a failure in many ways and had little self worth. In counseling, I gained many insights. The first helpful thing I learned was that Jesus loved me and that I was His child even when I felt utterly worthless. I realized that God is love and I didn't have to figure out how or why he could love me. At the same time, Ralph was also receiving counseling. He went into depression, and ended up seeing the doctor for a physical. Unfortunately, the doctor discovered a malignant lump in his neck. He eventually had both thyroids glands removed and received "heavy duty" drugs to kill the remaining cancer cells. During this time, our church family was wonderful. Their prayers, visits, cards, and love helped us through a very difficult time. Ralph's family never called or came by during this time.
In 1975 we met our first ex-Jehovah's Witnesses. We didn't know that anyone but Ralph and I had ever come out. We loved them immediately and spent many hours in each other's homes. Through them, we met others and were eventually in a class that met once a month for three years to study the Watchtower's teachings and compare them with the Bible.
I knew and understood the doctrines of the Society, and I now knew why they were false. What I didn't understand was that the Society uses many brain washing and mind control techniques on its followers. I had no idea that Witnesses were told what to think, how to feel, and that hundreds of rules and regulations were imposed on them. I had seen loved ones change before my eyes, and I had no idea how their love for me had turned to hate for no apparent reason. Now the mystery was solved. I understood their strange behavior and the bondage they were in. Most importantly, my husband and I were free. We were free to forgive and have sympathy and compassion for them. In fact, we never missed an opportunity to be present at any family gathering. While we were usually ignored, shunned, or spoken to in a rude manner, we never retaliated. We always loved them.
In October 1995 our only grandson was killed in a tragic automobile accident. It was the most heartbreaking thing we've ever had to go through. During that time, God poured out His love on us through the kindness of so many wonderful people. Our daughter received cards, letters, and visits from people she didn't even know. Witnesses in the family were called, but they never responded in any way to us or our daughter. Two years later, my husband had emergency open heart surgery. Again, we never heard from any Witnesses.
Today, Ralph and I thank God every day for the life we have in Him. We have been on the same team now for many years, and we are careful to give Him all the glory and praise. We have a wonderful Savior. He healed Ralph in two serious illnesses. He healed me of bad memories. He even healed our fractured marriage and brought us closer together than we would have ever thought possible. At the same time, we can now see things clearly, and have the strength to stand for what is right without compromise. And finally, our two daughters and four granddaughters are now all Christians.