by Gary Ferguson
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I was raised from birth as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. As a Christian today, I can look back and see that my JW childhood was really a blessing. It may sound odd, but being a JW as a child helped me appreciate the fact that God was supreme and I wasn't. Growing up as a Witness also gave me a real sense of satisfaction in believing that I was in "the truth," and that Jehovah had placed me here to tell other people about him and his Kingdom. |
One of my most vivid memories as a child is of a time when I was nine years old. The year was 1974 and I was sold out for Jehovah and his Organization. My mother had just given me a small briefcase, and I proudly carried my literature in it when I went from door to door with her or with other people from our congregation. I really felt fortunate to be able to carry such valuable literature. I remember coming home from the Kingdom Hall one day, and I was really excited. With my briefcase in hand, I went into my room and knelt at the foot of my bed and prayed to Jehovah. I thanked him for allowing me to be one of his Witnesses, and I prayed that he would continue to show me the truth.
A couple of months later, my Grandfather died. Although he wasn't a Witness, I really believed he would have a chance to live in the New System since he had paid the penalty of sin--his own death. And since we were all being told that Armageddon would take place in 1975, I was excited about the possibility of being reunited with my him in just a few months. I can remember how comforting it was to know that he would only be in that casket for a short time.
A year passed and soon it was 1975. I was anticipating Armageddon with each new morning. In fact, during the fall of that year we attended a district assembly, and everyone was talking about Armageddon. They were saying it might even take place during the assembly. I can still remember the hotel room we stayed in during the assembly. Before we went to bed, my mom and sister and I prayed that Jehovah would protect us if Armageddon were to occur that night. I was sure I would wake up to a New Kingdom. But the next morning came and the parking lot still looked the same. Nothing had changed.
Well, I continued to anticipate Armageddon for the next couple of years. Finally, I realized it might be a while before I saw my Granddad again. It appeared that the Society had made a slight miscalculation.
By 1979, my mother, sister, and I had stopped attending meetings. I had begun to realize that there was no way I could live up to what was required of a "good" Witness. I always felt like Jehovah was just waiting for me to make a mistake, which I inevitably would make. It was during this time that someone gave my sister a copy of Ray Franz' book, Crisis of Conscience. I can remember reading the book and wondering whether he was telling the truth. I also remember thinking that if he was telling the truth, I didn't want to have anything else to do with the Society.
Ironically, even though I never attended another meeting again (with the exception of a couple of Memorial meetings I attended while in college), I continued to think like a JW and believe the Society's teachings. And I still believed I would one day have to return to the Organization if I ever wanted the hope of everlasting life. Several years passed and I graduated from college in 1988. I was now 23 years old and had been living a "worldly" lifestyle for more than nine years--but in many ways I still thought like a JW. I moved to Atlanta, Georgia, the day after I graduated, and lived with two close friends of mine named Bill and Dayne. Everything was going well until Bill began to change before our eyes. Not only was he acting differently, but he began to talk about Jesus. Well, it wasn't long before his passion for Jesus began to conflict with our lifestyle. Basically, Dayne and I thought he had gone nuts. Within a couple of months, we ended up leaving Bill and renting a house of our own.
To my surprise, within a couple of years, Dayne also began talking about his relationship with Jesus. There was no denying he had changed. But Dayne let me have my own lifestyle without pushing his beliefs on me. He simply lived a new life. I remember wondering why he would get up so early every morning to read his Bible. Even as an active Witness, I had never had that type of passion to read the Bible, and I definitely wouldn't get up early in the morning to pray. I couldn't understand how someone so wrapped up in Christendom could have such a passion for God. Months passed and soon it was the spring of 1991.
One Sunday morning, Dayne knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to go to church with him. I wasn't that enthused about the idea of going into a Baptist church, but I was curious enough to agree to go with him.
When we arrived at his church, my defenses were up. In addition to being a Baptist church, it was a very large church. But to my surprise, everyone seemed so friendly and happy. After we were seated, we sang a few songs. Next, the pastor, a man named Dr. Charles Stanley, began to give his sermon on what it meant to be a Christian. He began to talk about how Christians have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ--something which I had never heard about. I had always thought we were only supposed to speak to Jehovah through Jesus. He spoke about his relationship with Jesus as if Jesus was his closest friend.
Finally, he made a statement that really bothered me. "If you want to know whether someone is a Christian," Dr. Stanley said, "then just ask the person whether he believes Jesus is God. If he says he doesn't believe Jesus is God, then you can be sure that he isn't a Christian." That statement infuriated me. I had always believed that only the Father was God, and that Jesus was created by the Father. So, I set out to prove that Dr. Stanley was wrong. I began to read the Bible to find out what it said about God and about Jesus. Jesus was called God, Savior, the I Am, the First and the Last, the Alpha and Omega, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. But these titles were also used in the Bible to refer to the Father. I began to wonder why such a jealous God (the Father) would share these titles with anyone else. Suddenly, I understood. The only way the Father could share these titles with Jesus was if Jesus was also God Almighty. I didn't quite understand how the Father and Jesus could both be God, but I knew I had to believe what the Bible said. The more I read the Bible, however, the more I realized that the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were all the same God. I remember wondering how I could have missed something so obvious for so many years.
I had to admit to myself that I had been worshiping a false god all of my life. I had been deceived by Satan and had been worshiping a god created by the Watchtower Society. The truth was that I had never really worshiped the true God of the Bible, nor had I ever known Him personally.
As I continued to read the Bible--especially the New Testament--I also began to realize how much God loved me and wanted to have an intimate relationship with me. In the past, Jehovah had always been someone who was waiting to crush me if I stepped out of line. Now, I was beginning to understand that the Father sent His Son to die for my sins so that I could be forgiven, so that I might have life. He didn't want to crush me, He loved me and wanted me to spend eternity with Him!
So, on March 17, 1991, I once again knelt at the foot of my bed and prayed. This time, however, I prayed to receive Jesus--the real Jesus. I asked God to forgive me for my sins, especially for worshiping a false god. I also gave Him control of my life and asked him to make me a new creation ...someone who would seek His will above my own. And finally, I thanked Him for answering a prayer that I had prayed when I was nine years old. I had asked Him to show me the truth and He had finally revealed to me the ultimate Truth--Jesus Christ. John 8:36 says, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I was and am free indeed.
God began to work immediately in my life. Not only did He take certain desires from me, but he gave me a big burden for my family. I really had no idea how I would tell them about Jesus, I only knew that I would tell them, and I began to pray every day for members of my family.
Months passed and I learned quickly that the Lord frequently doesn't move as fast as I always think He should. God began to me show me that members of my family had been the way they were for a long time, and that it may take a long time for them to change. Most importantly, however, he showed me that it was his job to save family--not mine. I was only called to keep my eyes fixed on Him and to pray continually. My job was to lift my family up in prayer to Him, regardless of the odds.
I began to see God answering my prayers in 1994. My sister, who at this point in her life didn't want anything to do with God, began to attend a small Christian church. A few weeks later, God began to reveal to her how she had been deceived by the Society. More importantly, she and her husband soon gave their lives to Christ, and we all began to pray for other members of our family.
Within a year after my sister and brother-in-law had received Christ as their Savior, God began to demonstrate his faithfulness again. During the four years that I had been a Christian, the Lord had given me many opportunities to speak with my mom about Him and about several basic Christian doctrines. Finally, God was beginning to show her who He really was and how much He cared for her. The result: my mother and father both committed their lives to Jesus in the fall of 1995. God is so faithful!
Today, I really understand what Jesus means in John 10:10 where He says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." My life today has so much more meaning and joy than when I was a Witness, and it's all because of Jesus--not because of an Organization or a religion. He is my God and my best friend, and I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. I also know that God hears our prayers and that He wants our family members to know Him. All we're asked to do trust in Him and keep on praying, and He will take care of the rest.